Are You Grown Up Yet?

20 December 2022
A picture of a person wearing sunglasses in front of a graffity wall to show the empowerment of a life well-lived.
By Ben Schoelzel
As the soul and the brain of Samaṇa, Ben focuses on changing his being in the world via a 2-hour daily meditation practice, authentic relating and interpersonal meditation, as well as in an ongoing IFS-practice. He started writing poems in his teenage year and rediscovered his joy for writing with the newsletter and articles for Samaṇa.

Growing up: relate to ourselves and others harmoniously

Growing up allows us to have increasingly more meaningful connections with others and ourselves. It's our "self" relating to others more skillfully. The other facets of the Samaṇa program cover being more comfortable in our "self" (cleaning up), letting go of our "self" (waking up), and having our "self" do something meaningful (showing up) will be explained in another article.

Cognitive & ethical development and relating to others

Growing up has a couple of elements to it, some of which we don't include in the program as they're better covered elsewhere:

  1. cognitive development: this is what most of us learn in school and what most knowledge worker jobs entail: develop a more complex mental model of the world; the Samaṇa program doesn't cover this as this is done well elsewhere
  2. ethical development: some business schools teach this by now which includes, amongst others, philosophical questions such as moral dilemmas; the Samaṇa program currently doesn't cover this as most of us are great at reasoning such moral dilemmas, but don't have an embodied sense of wrong and right, something that we focus on instead in some of the other facets
  3. relating to others: this is our ability to open up to others, be with others, and form meaningful and authentic relationships; the Samaṇa program includes this
A picture of a broke white female statue fixed with golden filling material
Growing up allows us to have increasingly more meaningful connections with others and ourselves.

Growing up via interpersonal meditation - circling

The Samaṇa program uses interpersonal meditation - circling, as a way to hone our ability to relate to others. During a circling session at least two people stay present with what's happening inside of each of them. At the same time, they relate to the other person and their notion of the other person verbally.

This can include factual statements such as, "I notice you're blinking", to making assumptions about what's happening inside the other person and checking in with them, such as, "I imagine you're sad - is that correct?". This interplay allows one to see what arises in social interaction, to test and check beliefs one holds about the world, oneself, or someone else, and to practice one's awareness.

It also allows one to quickly form social connections and cut to the chase: instead of tiptoeing around the other person, sniffing them out ("what's your job?"), one immediately reveals the underlying emotional forces at play. The skills learnt while circling, are also insanely powerful tools in any other social setting - from work to leisure.

Circling skills are particularly unburdening when one struggles with social anxiety or feels uncomfortable in social settings.

Growing up - with Samaṇa

Growing up, with our Samaṇa program's focus on relating to others harmoniously, is a process of increasingly relating to self and others more intimately.

We regularly run cohorts of 4 to 6 participants for the Samana program. We'll start our first cohort of participants in February 2023 - if you're interested in joining to further grow up, head over to our website, schedule a call with one of our Stewards, and submit your application afterwards.

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The information in this article is provided as an information resource only and is not to be used or relied on for any diagnostic or treatment purposes. Please consult a professional for guidance about a specific condition.